A friend of Fran’s who had lived in Melbourne for a number of years warned her in the months before our departure that she found making Australian friends tough. She said they could be cliquey, tight with their old friends and slow to let newcomers in.
A few weeks after moving to Australia we’d made no real inroads; admittedly our only points of contact tended to be shopkeepers, bar staff, estate agents, lunatics on trams and Fran’s one-day-at-a-time emergency teaching colleagues.
It was strange as we’re sociable types who enjoy the company of others (because, according to Fran, it means we don’t have to talk to each other). Fran, left alone in the flat for hours on end with the escape route of a call to friends scuppered by the time difference with the UK, was close to climbing the walls. Bruce was considering becoming a lunatic on the trams – at least they thought the people they were yelling at were their friends.
Three months in – and without recourse to drumming classes, speed dating events or escort agencies – things are looking up, with the pair at the heart of efforts to coordinate a large expedition party drawn from across Australia, Europe, North Africa and the Orient to watch the upcoming Crows – Pies game at the MCG.
Lessons learnt
Yet, while some friendships appear to be blossoming, others have fallen by the wayside, nipped in the bud. To avoid the latter, here are Bruce and Fran’s simple tips on making friends in Australia.
DO:
- Have a beard*. North of the river it means you fit in; south you stand out and get invited to parties by fellow beardies in need of moral support
- Talk to wierdos. They appreciate the conversation and sometimes turn out not to be that wierd after all
- Agree to attend house parties thrown by people you met falling-over-drunk at 3.30am. Their friends will appreciate your daring / stupidity and invite you to their hen nights and house warmings
- Have a lighter in your pocket
DON’T
- Snog anyone’s pet dog**. At least, not until they know you very well
- Get locked in the fire escape at the flats of someone you’ve only met that day
- Make plans with new acquaintances only to forget you ever made them
- Understand “Come to the party between 8 and 9pm” as “Arrive at 12.30am blind drunk with an even drunker man in a tight-fitting AFL top and sweatband, drink what booze remains, then borrow the keys to our apartment block, forget you borrowed them, insist to the hostess you have never had them even when she is screaming the house down and has turned off the music only to find them in your pocket an hour and a half later”
- Seriously, do not do the previous one. The repercussions can last for weeks and cross oceans
* This does not always apply for women
** Especially when the owners have already told you about the time they had to milk said dog’s glands using gloves and petroleum jelly
Hey this is so true. It is hard to make friends here. My husband and I have become even more best friends just because socialising here is tough. I mean, it’s just hi and bye if you work together and that’s about it. Depressing really coz I am starting to get homesick and want to return to the mundaneness that I now fondly consider home (Canada).
Hey Frances. Don’t lose faith. We’ve ended up making loads of good mates over here, hardly any of them expats (unless you count the large numbers of Adelaidians who’ve fled their pretty churches and utter mundanity). I met people through playing sport, being an overly talkative bastard and generally getting involved in Aussie life. There’s a side to most aspects of Melbourne life that’s cliquey as hell but, if they’re worth it, they can be broken down.
As a side point, we returned to the UK at Christmas / New Year to see family and friends. Was good to catch up, but I felt a lot happier within 24 hours of returning to Oz…